Metamorphosis

Personal Thoughts

Do you ever just skim through old photographs and shock yourself with how much you’ve changed throughout the years? That’s definitely something a lot of us do, I mean, we even have a hash-tag for it: #tbt (Throwback Thursday anyone?). I guess it’s such a natural part of our humanity, isn’t it? Reminiscing through our past and trying to think of all the ways in which we have progressed or have become better as people?

Do you remember your first big haircut? I do. It was my freshman year and I had really long hair. Running track with long hair isn’t fun either, unless you like getting whipped in the face a bunch of times. A lot of people thought I had beautiful hair, and whenever I brought up the idea of cutting it, they would all instantly shut me down to tell me that I would really regret it. In the end, who’s to know? I ended up chopping most of it off, and I loved it. It felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders… literally though. Funny, how much a haircut can do. That haircut was one of many things that I did to change my physical appearance.

After freshman year, I was determined. I would try everything I could to become who I saw myself to be on the inside. I wanted others to view my creativity, but on my exterior, so I would draw out self portraits of how I imagined myself to look like in five years. Even after all the years of changing myself, I am still not done. I am much closer than I was the day before, though, which I’m content with. Even though I do want others to see my creativity, it doesn’t mean that I’m doing it for others, because ultimately, I’m doing it for myself. Coming from a very low self esteem and an eating disorder, I never saw myself as beautiful. However, the more I changed my outward appearance, the more beautiful I found myself to be.

My hair color, my accessories, my clothing, my tattoos; these are all apart of who I am and who I want to be. This doesn’t make me less of a person or more of a person, and it also does not mean that I am vain or selfish. These are what make me more confident and help me to stand up for myself. If dying my hair blue is going to make me smile a little bit more, or having a beautiful piece of art tattooed on my body is going to make me feel more confident in my skin and more badass, then why not?

met·a·mor·pho·sis

/ˌmedəˈmôrfəsəs/

Noun

  • a change of the form or nature of a thing or person into a completely different one, by natural or supernatural means.

We’re all going or have gone through some sort of “metamorphosis”, and it ‘s good, because we are not the people we were yesterday. I would be really worried if all of humanity still had the mind of a newborn, but lucky us, we’re not newborns! So, look around you, and take in all the beautiful people out there that are going through their own special metamorphosis. Each day we are closer to the person we want to be, and being closer to that is what makes us smile, and happiness is the one thing that looks great on everyone.

Now

Uncategorized

Today, as I was sitting down on the grass and feeling the wind gently tug on my hair, and rooting my toes deeper and deeper into the Earth, I realized something. I realized something that I have been trying to figure out for the longest time, and that is, how important it is to be content with today and humble ourselves in the now. I know I usually do a Bible devotion, and such, but I felt as though I wanted to just release this thought in in the form of a blog post. I wanted to write a personal blog, as a release for the flow of thoughts that I have had today.

As I go about my days, I find myself always either regretting my past and wanting to go back and change something, or being overly anxious and distressed about my future. I know that I can’t be the only one who feels this way. As I thought deeper about this, I realized how much my past and future consume me so much, that I completely have been disregarding my present. It’s as though, I entirely forget about it, even though it’s happening. Isn’t that wild? When my brain started to churn again, I thought about what my past self was like. If my past self was always worrying about the future, which is my present self, how much has changed? Just as how if my future self starts regretting what her past self did, which is my present self, how much would I grow?

The answer is, that I wouldn’t. What is a life, if it is constantly being drowned by anxiety and stress? What good would it do me to feel this way? Will it make me healthier? Will it solve answers and questions? Because, I don’t know if it’s just me, but I am always asking questions and am in need of so many answers. But what if there are a large amount of questions about my life that can’t be answered? Isn’t that the beauty of this life? Isn’t it beautiful to have mystery in our lives? In time, our questions will surely be answered, but in the meantime, why can we not just sit, breathe, and take in today?

What if our lives were like books? And what if all the books that were sold in bookstores were just the summaries of the stories? Can you imagine that? All the books we read being one page long? We can’t expect our lives to be one page and feel complete. It’s not a book if it’s one page. It’s not a life if you lived out all your dreams and fulfilled all your goals and had all your questions answered in a day. That’s why our lives must be like a book, enjoying every page, little by little. There will be new chapters, and plot twists, and an ending, but until then, why not enjoy it, right?

Just a thought. I hope I didn’t confuse many of you, and I know I went on for a bit of a rant, but I just felt the need to express that today.

Thank you for those who have been reading my posts, and until next time!

Kat