I showed up to an appointment with myself today. I decided to take care of me and to focus on my better self. At least I know that I can only become better. I feel like I’ve been hibernating in a way, or at least trying to hide… for a really long time. I realized recently that I really don’t want to hide anymore. I feel like releasing myself from hibernation is also giving me the oppurtunity to really discover myself and who I really am. Sometimes I have to remember that I am still trying to figure it out, and sometimes I have to remember that I’m only 22. I feel like I’m 40.
Do you know who you are? Maybe you knew at one point, and then decided you were wrong, or perhaps you grew into a different person. We can’t all be the same forever, can we? People progress and become truer to their innermost identity with time. I’m definitely feeling like I’m shedding off a few layers as I dig into me, but I guess that’s part of the whole process. We have to get rid of some of the weight that we’re carrying to really get anywhere, even if it hurts. Something else that I am coming to understand is that not everyone is going to be “comfortable” with who I am; maybe some might even be offended by who I am. The thing is, it doesn’t matter very much in the grand scheme of things. I’m not perfect at adhering to this idea, but I know that it is true.
Often, I get strangers who walk up to me and ask me “Why?” to my hair or my body art or my jewelry. To me, this question of “Why?” is just so absurd. Why do I have to explain myself? I don’t walk about asking everyone why they choose to display themselves the way that they do. It would become such a waste of my time, when I could very well be working on improving myself and working on something that I love. Everyone carries themselves very differently, but it’s that difference that can make this world all the more interesting. I remember watching a cartoon show when I was little, and this one episode was perceiving a world where everyone was the absolute same. Everyone was a grey “blob”. Imagine our world as that, full of grey blobs, where you couldn’t even differentiate your friends apart.
Maybe there is a purpose to being different. Being different is definitely scary, but once you find them in your innermost being, you might not even want to hide them! I’m glad and happy that I’m different, and not just some grey “blob”. I’m happy that I could be placed in a room crowded with people, and you’d still be able to tell me apart. I want to, someday, be comepletely comfortable in my own skin and to really exude who I really am, my innermost self. It’ll be a process, but I know that I’m not alone in this. There are so many people out there also trying to do the same thing.
To all you rebels and freaks, good luck in your journey and know that you are not alone in this.