Now

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Today, as I was sitting down on the grass and feeling the wind gently tug on my hair, and rooting my toes deeper and deeper into the Earth, I realized something. I realized something that I have been trying to figure out for the longest time, and that is, how important it is to be content with today and humble ourselves in the now. I know I usually do a Bible devotion, and such, but I felt as though I wanted to just release this thought in in the form of a blog post. I wanted to write a personal blog, as a release for the flow of thoughts that I have had today.

As I go about my days, I find myself always either regretting my past and wanting to go back and change something, or being overly anxious and distressed about my future. I know that I can’t be the only one who feels this way. As I thought deeper about this, I realized how much my past and future consume me so much, that I completely have been disregarding my present. It’s as though, I entirely forget about it, even though it’s happening. Isn’t that wild? When my brain started to churn again, I thought about what my past self was like. If my past self was always worrying about the future, which is my present self, how much has changed? Just as how if my future self starts regretting what her past self did, which is my present self, how much would I grow?

The answer is, that I wouldn’t. What is a life, if it is constantly being drowned by anxiety and stress? What good would it do me to feel this way? Will it make me healthier? Will it solve answers and questions? Because, I don’t know if it’s just me, but I am always asking questions and am in need of so many answers. But what if there are a large amount of questions about my life that can’t be answered? Isn’t that the beauty of this life? Isn’t it beautiful to have mystery in our lives? In time, our questions will surely be answered, but in the meantime, why can we not just sit, breathe, and take in today?

What if our lives were like books? And what if all the books that were sold in bookstores were just the summaries of the stories? Can you imagine that? All the books we read being one page long? We can’t expect our lives to be one page and feel complete. It’s not a book if it’s one page. It’s not a life if you lived out all your dreams and fulfilled all your goals and had all your questions answered in a day. That’s why our lives must be like a book, enjoying every page, little by little. There will be new chapters, and plot twists, and an ending, but until then, why not enjoy it, right?

Just a thought. I hope I didn’t confuse many of you, and I know I went on for a bit of a rant, but I just felt the need to express that today.

Thank you for those who have been reading my posts, and until next time!

Kat

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New Life of Love

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“So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.”

-Colossians 3:12-14 (The Message)

For the past two weeks, I have been constantly getting the message of “forgiveness”. What is forgiveness? According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, it is: (A) to give up resentment of or claim to requital for, or: (B) to grant relief from payment of. You may think, by looking at both these definitions, that they have nothing to do with each other. Yet, I am here to say that it is merely the opposite. When you have resentment towards someone and are unforgiving towards them, most of the time, the reasoning is that the opposing person has done you wrong. They have done so much wrong to you, that you have hatred and a grudge towards them that is blocking you from even communicating to them. You are like this, because you are waiting for a payment. “What? What are you even talking about, Kat?” I am saying that you are waiting for that person to give you something for causing you to despise them in such a horrid way. You want a payment. You want an apology. You want a sign that they strongly feel guilty about what they did and would do anything to gain that relationship that they once had with you back. I am here to say, that the apology you are waiting for may never come. You may be lying in your death bed waiting for that apology and it will never escape their lips. “So what am I to do? I can’t just let it go. They really hurt me.” If you are this kind of person, you are going to completely want to renew and change your train of thought. I know I still have to do this, and am slowly being revealed to it, but you must give it up, and let it go. (Elsa had some good words of advice) Stop waiting for that payment that will never show up at your doorstep, and surrender it all to God. If Jesus could forgive you faster than the speed of light, you can also. We are to walk as living representations of Christ with everything that we do, and if we have to forgive Jimmy for taking our lunch money in Ms. Clark’s kindergarten class, so be it. We are new creations meant to live in love and not hate. So lay it down, all of it, at the foot of the cross and continue onward in this new life of love.

Pruning Season

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For the past two months, I have been having a lot of time to myself outside in the wintry cold, and pruning at work. The orchard in my job is very expansive, so there are a large amount of trees to prune. When I would approach a tree for the first time, it would literally be a disaster. These branches and limbs would overflow in every which way possible. It was so disastrous, that I heard it speak under it’s breath, mocking me, “There’s no possible way you can fix this.” Despite it’s sneering remarks, I took my pruners with a great force of confidence and snipped away the intruding branches and twigs, and anything that was going to cause this tree to grow in a negative way. As the days grew longer and longer with pruning, I felt pain start to form in my back and my arms from overusing them. It required a great deal of persistence, but I was able to prune every resistant tree in the orchard.

With most events in my life, I of course thought of what I was doing with great depth. I began to compare this with scripture, like John 15:1-4,

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.”

I begin to think about how God always puts us in a situation at one point in our lives where it feels as though we are truly broken. All the addictions that once held us in chains are now being cut and broken by Christ. All the sorrows, all the heartaches, all the sleepless nights, all the pain, all the illnesses, all the anxiety, all the voices in your head that tell you that you are not good enough or you’ll never amount to anything. There’s a point in our lives where God prunes all those negative branches in our life out. He cuts out all the intrusions that take you away from further seeking and serving his Kingdom, and provides more space for light to seep in so that you are able to grow. Without light, you cannot grow. Also, pruning is always done in the coldest and most brutal seasons. The storm takes over your life, and you feel as though you are being pushed in every aspect of your life. Until the sun starts poking through and life begins to grow within you, allowing you to bloom beautiful flowers that then turn into ripened, delicious fruit.

This all seems like such a complicated process, but that’s because it is! This all has to happen to us, though, so that we do not wither and die away, but that we are open to receive God’s light and love, which allows our spirits to grow!

For it says in Ephesians 5:14,

 “Wake up, sleeper,

rise from the dead,

and Christ will shine on you.”

Winter season is over, and the Spring time is here! Rise from your darkness, and live in the light that God has given you!

Love and Blessings,

Kat

Do it to Make Him Proud

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“So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”

-1 Corinthians 10:31 (NLT)

As I think and pray everyday about what I’m going to do with my future, I find myself hurting more and more. With all that I do, I wish to make my parents proud and I want them to see me as their hardworking daughter who is trying her best to figure things out and make something of herself. I currently go to school online in a wonderful university, but in my case, wanting to earn a living by gaining a degree in visual arts is not something I can achieve online. That would mean that I would have to travel all the way to Virginia from New York, and I’ve grown so close to the Hudson Valley, that I could not consider anywhere else home but here. Deep in my heart, I don’t want to leave. I want to stay here, and I pray for this every day.

As God continues speaking to me, he is revealing to me more and more that he is listening. He hears the desires of my heart and knows all my thoughts. It doesn’t matter what anyone else says and what anyone else thinks. You are beloved and you are a child of a King. He has called you redeemed and has made you new. Focus on him first, and everything else will all fall into place. Do everything that you do now, tomorrow, and in the rest of your days, to the glory of God. It’s becoming more clear to me, and it has me more at peace. When I see the look of disappointment in someone’s face when I tell them my dreams and my goals and what I am trying to do to obtain them, don’t let it affect you to the point of not doing those things! It may hurt, when you see their disappointment, and it may even deter you from even moving forward in your plans, but don’t do it. If you have a dream, a passion, and a goal, speak out those desires to your father so he may hear them. And do it all to your Heavenly Father’s glory, to make HIM proud.

A New Found Hope for a New Year

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Ah, here we are. We’ve made it to a new year and maybe to some, a new life. I’m so happy to be alive and standing right now. New Year’s Eve was a magical event that played out right in my home. It was a time that was so dear and special to me because I was surrounded with my intermediate family and my boyfriend. We sat there with our tummies full, because we ate like Kings, and told each other what we felt like we learned and accomplished in the past year of 2014. We also spoke of our dreams and hopes for bettering ourselves and our lives for the new year of 2015.

Everyone had such diverse experiences and I almost choked on my words when it came to my turn, because I felt so emotional about what happened this past year. A lot of ups and a lot of downs, but I feel like I have become such a stronger person in my faith and in my character. I found a new hope that I would carry on and continue in this new year and every year after that. Once you have a grasp of life and your presence here on Earth, and just how powerful it is, you can never let that go. Our feet are planted on this Earth for a unique and specific reason for each and everyone, and we are meant to breathe in this life to it’s fullest. God is such a loving God, and he has blessed us with far more than we can even fathom.

To be able to take in every single moment, capture every special memory, and smile with the biggest gum-showing grin is what we were meant to do. That is what I thrive to do this year; to capture my special moments by developing  and growing in my Photography, to never take anything for granted, to meet someone new everyday and to love like I’ve never loved before.

And as the ball dropped and we all gathered around the living room counting down from “5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1”, I looked at every expression on every face. I felt the happiness and joy vibrate off the walls of the room, and I gave a sparkling peach juice toast to my dear boyfriend and leaned in for my first New Years kiss ever.

I couldn’t have asked for a different way in celebrating New Years, or a different set of people to spend it with.

So let’s raise our glasses and here’s a toast, 2015, We’re ready for you.

-Kat A.


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Enjoying every last drop of this year

day, life, love

“What are you thinking about?”, he asks me as I realize that I have a large smile on my face as I breathe in the beautiful and warming atmosphere of the coffee shop we sit in. My eyes gaze around the room, admiring each little knick knack here and there, from the art displays on the walls, to the paper hearts hanging from the ceiling. I let my lungs fill with the sweetest smell of coffee as I breathe in the steam off of my worn out mug, and answer him with a “Nothing.”

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Thoughts swirl around my head as I let my imaginations run wild. I look at the little shops around us as I peer through the glass, imagining what it would be like to own a little apartment up above a small coffee shop like this. I then feel someone lightly tracing my skin on my hand and I look up to see Jake smiling at me. I so very much enjoy his company because it’s as though we don’t need to drown our days with conversation, we’re content with just being in each others presence. We don’t need to speak because we already know what the other is thinking about through little gestures. As I sit there soaking in every moment, he is also sitting there and doing the same.

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As we finish our lunch, and enjoy every savory morsel of it too, we prepare ourselves to go out and venture to different whereabouts in the beautiful area we know as the Hudson Valley. We walk around with pink noses and frosted fingertips in the historic town of Kingston. We admire the little shops here and there that are filled with different and unique characters. Nothing compares to this area in the wintertime, for even though this is the time of frostbitten toes and dead trees, there is still so much life and spirit around us as people smile and enjoy the festivities of the giving season.

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Jake takes a hold of my hand and walks me around this beautiful town, and tells me stories of his childhood, his favorite memories, classic Marvel comic book nerd talk, and of course… Yes, you guessed… A bit of Star Wars loving. I laugh at all his little quirks and smirks and let the cold wind kiss my face as Jack Frost gives me a small “Hello.”

“What do you want to do now?” Jake asks.

“Let’s go thrifting!” I reply.

Ah, the adventures of thrifting. We roamed around the isles of clothes that are filled with character and that have been loved on a bit more than brand new clothes in retail stores. There’s nothing like buying nifty things for much less than what you’d pay for in stores nowadays.

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Of course, we had to end this perfect day with watching Star Wars and splurging on some delightful vegan ice cream. This year, overall though, is ending and wrapping up quite nicely and I couldn’t ask for a better ending to a better year. But, hey, it can only get better, huh? I’m so looking forward to all the new and exciting adventures that are held for me this new coming year. It was so very nice knowing you, 2014, you will be remembered. Well, this insomniac needs a cat nap at least, for it’s already 5 in the morning. Goodnight to my other fellow insomniacs, and good morning to the early birds!

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